Burn Out
Frustrating Obstacle or Valuable Turning Point
Introduction
For many people experiencing burnout symptoms, it feels like they're on a bullet train heading straight into a wall. They want to get off but don't know how. It's a process of slowly but surely getting stuck, which is anything but pleasant. Often, this is accompanied by feelings of shame and guilt, the sense of failure. There's a self-blame for feeling emotionally drained, overwhelmed, and unable to do the things they hold themselves responsible for. This can be very painful, both for themselves and for those around them.
Every week, I speak to dozens of people who are struggling like this, feeling like they're teetering on the edge of a cliff. There's often an abundance of symptoms, almost all of which are directly or indirectly related to exhaustion, overload, and mental and physical depletion.
This article is intended for anyone directly or indirectly dealing with burnout symptoms. My hope is that it provides insight, understanding, and tools, thus being a first step on the road to recovery.
What? Why? How?
In moments of hardship, you need clarity and guidance. I'm going to help you by answering these three questions together:
Question 1. WHAT is going on right now exactly?
We're going to create a clear overview of the current situation.
Question 2. WHY are you where you are now, why do you feel what you feel?
We'll answer why you're feeling exhausted and emotional, and why you're experiencing these symptoms (*).
*This is NOT an in-depth analysis of the underlying issues, as it's not possible in an article with a practical approach. That's the process of psychotherapy, which requires face-to-face consultations.
Question 3. HOW do I get out of this?
I'll give you practical tips and advice on what you can do (and avoid).
Step 1. Creating Order in Chaos
You might better understand the current situation through a metaphor: Imagine your mind as a big closet. That closet is overflowing, and the doors can't close because of all the stuff inside. Nothing on the shelves is organized; the drill is on top of the dirty dishes, and the dirty socks are in an empty chip bag. In short: chaos.
What you're best to do now is to open the closet and throw everything on the floor. It might feel overwhelming at first because you're making even more mess and have to face the whole mess. But ultimately, this will give you the opportunity to tidy everything up, maybe dust off some stuff, organize, or throw away. It's high time to put things in order and create some clarity, in short: on the way to Order.
To do this organizing and create an overview, you can best use the KOP model (Complaints, Circumstances, Person).
So, grab your laptop, phone, PC, pen, and paper, and let's write together:
Circle what applies or add your own:
These are the Complaints I experience:
- Difficulty concentrating
- Forgetfulness
- Overwhelming fatigue
- Poor sleep, waking up in the middle of the night
- Sleeping excessively and waking up exhausted
- Irritability, short fuse, irritations
- Emotional, unstable
- Crying more easily over small things
- Excessive worrying
- Anxiety, insecurity, panic attacks
- Depressive feelings, sadness, melancholy
- Feelings of inferiority, shame, guilt
- Strong resistance to social contacts
- Decreased pleasure in activities
- Physical complaints, vague pains
- Headaches, muscle aches, stomachaches
- Feeling stuck
- Feeling burnt out, not knowing how to proceed
- Doubt about own abilities and performance
These are the Circumstances I'm in:
- Work pressure, high work demands, deadlines, too much work
- Conflicts at work, issues with colleagues
- Working conditions, work environment
- Job insecurity, uncertain employment
- Personal problems, relationship problems, financial problems
- Health problems, illness
- Work-life balance disrupted, unable to find peace
- Care responsibilities, caregiving
- No time for myself, too little relaxation, no more hobbies
- Social pressure, social obligations, social expectations
- Oversensitive, empathetic, highly sensitive
- Worrying a lot about others, perfectionism, high self-demands
These are my Personal characteristics or traits:
- Perseverance, perfectionism, high self-demands
- Always wanting to do everything well, sense of responsibility
- Difficulty handling criticism, too high expectations from others
- Difficulty saying no, difficulty setting boundaries
- Difficulty expressing emotions, difficulty talking about feelings
- Difficulty asking for help, wanting to solve everything on my own
- Fear of failure, pressure to perform, insecurity
- Caring, wanting to care for others, not taking time for myself
- Empathetic, highly sensitive
- Overreactive to stimuli, easily overstimulated
- Perfectionism, high self-demands
- Anxiety, insecurity, negative self-image
How do you experience the complaints? On a scale of 0-10 (0=not at all, 10=extremely)
Complaints at work: ………………...
Complaints in private situations: ………………...
Complaints in social situations: ………………...
How much do they bother you? (0=none, 1=a little, 2=moderate, 3=a lot, 4=extremely)
Complaints at work: ………………...
Complaints in private situations: ………………...
Complaints in social situations: ………………...
And what are the positive things?
What makes you happy, what do you enjoy, what gives you energy?
…………………………………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………………………
…………………………………………………………………………
You'll see that when you inventory the complaints in this way, it becomes easier to create an overview and realize that there are many factors at play. It's not just one thing that's happened to you, but a combination of circumstances and your own characteristics.
The next step is to carefully look at the things you've written down, accept them as they are, and then start making choices. Sometimes these are difficult choices, but that's the process you have to go through to get better. In my next article, I'll help you with that.
In conclusion I want to ask you to give yourself time, not to judge yourself, to be kind to yourself, and to ask for help if you're struggling. This could be from a psychologist or coach, but also from friends or family. It's sometimes hard to admit you need help, but you don't have to do it alone.
Good luck, and know that you're not alone!